The pressure is on…. this is officially my FIRST blog post EVER! Well not if you include Myspace, whenever that was, but obviously it didn’t turn into anything amazing for me, ha!
As I sit here and write I have been asking myself, what took you so long to grab the bull by the horns and just do what I love to do? FEAR. Fear of failure. Fear of other people’s opinions. Fear that what I have to say isn’t anything important. There were so many moments that God was nagging me about writing. He was not just talking about writing in my journal, but in public where the world could see. I would tell him that I was quite alright with keeping things to myself. So much that my own regurgitated words would give me comfort and make me feel validated. Yes I might have had a few of pity parties… But ultimately, God did not stop calling me to step up and step out.
My excuses continued. I would tell myself that the world didn’t need another stay-at-home-mom-blogger… I did not want to get put in that category. Ultimately, I was insecure that I would NOT be good enough. So I made it clear to God that I would NOT be doing it (Insert arms crossed over my chest and a foot stomp!). I AVOIDED social media for the longest time because I felt annoyance. At the end of the day that annoyance was conviction.
Has there ever been a time in your life when you felt that? That other people are doing what you want to do, what God is calling you to do, but you are so insecure that you run or come up with other excuses?
So YEARS of me avoiding, running, and hiding has brought me to this point of my life. I will be 36 in March. As I typed those numbers, 3-6, my heart lurched, or maybe sank. I am tired of waiting, tired of being a bystander in my life versus an active participant! I am getting deeper into my 30s and I am READY to do what GOD has for me. No more missing the mark due to my excuses.
Can you relate? Are YOU sick and tired of yourself, your ‘desires,’ and what you are robotically trying to achieve for yourself… If you can, just pause for minute. Give yourself time to tap into what is going on in your heart… what is ruling those intentions?
Even though I have been a Christian my whole life, a year ago is when I SURRENDERD. God, I am so sick of missing the mark on my life, I am so sick of my excuses, my discontentment, my negativity. I pursued him hard. I began to REPURPOSE my life, my passions, and different decisions to a posture of surrender. God doesn’t just want the big parts of our lives but he wants the SMALL. And, after months of seeking him, truly and honestly, he did amazing things. He FREED me from all my old insecurities, he started to give me dreams again, and he re-ignited passion that I was slowly killing.
I am now more than ready to follow HIS PLAN and I am excited to see where this journey takes me. If it only encourages a few of my closest friends or hundreds of strangers, I am psyched! And, I am going to embrace being put in the category of stay-at-home-mom-blogger… because that is where HE wants me.